hello.


Pst Aries came to preach in hoGc today! haha. i always thought he is super cool (:
i liek his indo accent.


i liek
liek
liek.




lah-eek.



ahem.
yes.




so... am i suppose to be aggressive to grow and rise up?
or am i suppose to be like andrew? just serve God silently and dont even think about rising up?















questions to ponder...



























no. dont even think about it, dex.
you MUST rise up and grow.






























MUST.






























MUST MUST MUST.














GROWTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







dreams
visions
expectations
future
they will all come to pass.


Pst Aries said today.. "when God begins a work in you, He will finish it!"


i believe 2 years or maybe 3 years ago, God has already begun a work in me. leading me to grow higher and higher in Him. well, yeah, i admit, i screwed it up big time. but i'm sure He is going to CONTINUE THIS WORK IN ME. AND FINISH IT.



i'm gonna be a connect group leader
more than that, maybe even a zone supervisor
zone leader...



i'm gonna play the guitar
the drums
the percussions
i'm gonna worship lead,
and worship team lead!


i'm gonna be a worshipper
i'm gonna be a prayer warrior
i'm gonna be a disciple
i'm gonna be a son.



i'm gonna be a pillar in hoGc.
















press on, dex.
the destiny IS ALREADY THERE, just gotta run for it.













just wait and see,
i'm gonna rise (:
i'm gonna grow (:
i'm so gonna gonna gonna be a great man of God (:
i want to be a great disciple (:
a great son (:
a successful full-time church staff career (:
an anointed worship leader (:
a leader to many (:
an awesome husband (:
a funky and cool dad (:











andrew knew he wasn't gonna rise up, that's why he was satisfied and content with serving behind the scenes... he had a pure heart!



but im sure Jesus would not have been contented if He wasn't able to achieve his destiny of being a Leader of mankind and the Saviour to all. because He knew He was meant to do great things in His Father's kingdom.







i know i can do great things in His kingdom.
i'm totally not satisfied and contented with where i am now.
i have so much more potential than who i am now.
i KNOW and i KNOW that i am meant for AN AWESOME DESTINY IN HOGC!!





i'm gonna rise.







growing,
-dexter

hello.



okay, im feeling very jf9402*(@IEkelmu90piq*U(I@OPK#@()JRI now.
over some dumb photos and some events that has passed.
but that's all im gonna say. (:



now, time to slp early. tmr gotta go stagmont camp for signal course!



haha.




till next time
keep thinking about God
and His destiny for us!
and also, byebye (:





suppressing,
-dexter

hello


oh! yes, my mindset has switched to become more positive and make sure i look unto God, and not unto my own emotions.
haha, that's why i have to suppress those emotions! cant let it get into me, and even if it does, i must not let it show!

suppress those little carnal fleshly rubbish (:
keep thinking about God and how He'd be like (:




yknw, when you set your mind to rise up and grow continuously as a Christian, life become an even bigger struggle. because now you not only have to battle with what bolted you down at first, but also you have to fight the innate tendency to feel upset/emotional/angst !

that's why a consistent prayer life plays such an important role in keeping oneself a least bit sane on the inside. by praying regularly and keep in touch with God, somehow, someway, and for some reason, you gain more control of yourself... or rather, He gains more control of your reactions.


that's why im willing to struggle. cuz i know at the very end, God is gonna see me being as faithful as i can. God is gonna use me as He once told me that He has. i long for the day i can lead people closer to Christ.


do people work... lead CGs and grow ppl... raise leaders... help ppl... do follow ups... preach... worship lead... play the guitar... sing... play drums... percussions... creative ministries... worship team... full-time musician/creative staff in church.

it's all for others!


Habbakkuk 2:2-4

2 Then the LORD answered me and said:
“Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.

3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.

4 “ Behold the proud,
His soul is not upright in him;
But the just shall live by his faith.





God said it himself.
He says to us...
WAIT FOR THE VISION,
IT MAY TARRY,
BUT IT WILL SURELY COME TO PASS.


IT WILL SURELY COME TO PASS!
MY DREAMS
MY VISIONS
WILL COME TO PASS!!!!



i will achieve what ive set out to do.
i may have been delayed by my mistakes (over and over and over again),
but God says I STILL CAN CONTINUE AND CARRY ON FULFILLING HIS DESIRES FOR ME.






friends,
if ever you feel that your dream is dying,
it's completely held back
and because you failed again and again and again and again...






don't.
ever.
stop.
picking.
yourself.
up.



keep going.
God will always have a plan B,
plan C,
plan D,
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z
AA
AB
AC
AD
AE
AF
AG
AH
AI
AJ
AK
AL
AM
AN
AO
AP
AQ
AR
AS
AT
AU
AV
AW
AX
AY
AZ
BA
BB
BC
... etc



it'll never end.


Pst Lia once SMSed me this verse...

Proverbs 24:16
16 For a righteous man may fall seven times
And rise again,
But the wicked shall fall by calamity.


hmmm. a righteous man... who is that?
a righteous man DOES NOT refer to a sinless and upright person.
if not, the Bible wouldn't has said he would fall 7x and still be righteous.
a righteous man simply means one who has Christ in Him.
a Christian!

Hence, God actually knows and expects Christians to fall (into sin or commit mistakes). and seven in the Bible usually means infinite/unlimited/everlasting.

God is simply saying, no matter how many times you fall, you gotta pick yourself up and go again. and keep going.

God wouldn't ask you to keep going if He has decided to take you away from your purpose and vision right? if He would, He'd rather strike you down and take you up into heaven with Him, isn't it?






by the Word, i am thoroughly convinced.
i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not done yet.
i'm just starting a new journey upwards again (:




c'mon dex, spiral upwards.





friends, it's the same for you too.
im sure God wants you to walk into a destiny He has planned for you.
i'm so sure He has something up His sleeves for you to do

if you haven't found your own dreams from God, go get it NOW!!! seek God for it! wait on Him!

if you haven't even asked Jesus to come into your life, do feel free to ask me or any of my church friends to help you through this (: we'll gladly guide you to Him (:

if feel that you have lost your destiny in God, dont fret. your vision may tarry, but wait on it, keep building on your character and sow towards those dreams you (used to?) hold so dearly as if you just received it a minute ago. embrace those dreams tightly, dont let go. He is making even better arrangements for you to achieve it at a level you could never think of. just hold on to it. if you dont, you basically 'die'. so, just dont ask so many questions and HOLD ON TO YOUR DREAMS FOR DEAR LIFE LITERALLY!!!!!! God will ensure it comes to pass if you do hold on (:







amen.


thank You, Jesus (:



i love my Christian life !!!!!
join me in my run to God (:





rising again,
-dexter

hello


i went running on monday evening.


im happy i did.
i really really need to exercise!



i ran from my place @ amk ave 2
all the way past st nics
past bishan park... along amk ave 1
past golf course
past salvation army bishan
past prime supermarket
past Bishan Active
past cat high
turned back and followed mrt line
all the way to amk ave 1 again,
turned in,
past bishan park again
past amk methodist church
past mayflower sec
turned to amk ave 4
past ame's house
past st nicks again
UP A STEEP SLOPE (at least at that current level of fatigue)
which i walked a little cuz it's too taxing on the legs
and
sprinted all the way to the bus stop opposite my estate.



im guessing 8km +/- ?
yeah!!!


im proud of myself.

and throughout, i was just thinking about how running and the Christian lifestyle is so similar.

it's very healthy (spiritually)
the more you do it, the better you get (improvement)
the faster you become (efficiency)
it's a VERY VERY VERY LONG JOG (eternity)
it can be fun and exciting (especially when ure not alone)
you get to run past many places (or stages in life)
experience different things in ur body (or your life)
and you will never feel rested (it's on-going).


it's continuous, tedious, tiring and breath-taking.
and it never ends.
it cannot end if you want to feel achieved and rewarded.


because at the end of every long run,
you cannot help but feel satisfied, rewarded and accomplished.


nope! it's not arrogance we're talking about.
not boasting or pride.
not even ego.

it's just a pat on the back to yourself and say what Paul said...
"i've fought the good fight and ran the good race" (para.)


God wants you and i to be satisfied and happy with every single step of this long race.


at tough times in your life (like the stupid st nics slope), things will slow down and will be difficult to persevere. but it must still go on. that's the only way Home.


so... how to run this race when ure tired?
look up and ahead.
dont look back.
dont think about how much left, but how much done.
breathe, one step at a time, relax.
condition yourself regularly.
dont keep telling yourself "i'm tired" or "i wanna give up" or "i want the easy way out"

(frankly, many times i told myself i shld just take a bus back or cab home or call someone to fetch me home halfway)



like in the Christian walk,
we always look up to God and look ahead of the great future in Him
we never look at our past lifestyle or mistakes
we shldn't think about how much more to suffer, but how much you have overcame
we must take things a step at a time, and not rush into breakthroughs; wait on Him
stay spiritual and 'conditioned' spiritually; lifestyle
keep our minds on good thoughts and Godly thoughts as much as possible





running after You.




thank You, Jesus ((:



Love,
-dexter

hello.


i need to tell myself to continually keep writing positive happy things on my blog.


i just came back from Helicopter Underwater Escape Training (HUET).
oh, it was terrible.
being flipped upside down while strapped to your sit and trying to orientate urself in dirty water ain't one bit easy.


im gonna GROW GROW GROW GROW.



im sick of just sitting and watching ppl rise up.
SO SICK OF IT.


i'm gonna rise with them!!!!
I was just reading through the book of Hebrews in camp yesterday as it was quite a senang day. i highlighted a few verse that i felt could apply in my life.

by the way, i was reading them in NIV.

Hebrews 6:10-12
10 God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them. 11 We want each of ou to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. 12 We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.

loving ppl brings about assurance in hope, dreams and vision.
funny, now that ive typed it. these are the things ive been yearning so much for.
assurance and hope.



Hebrews 10:35-38
35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36 You need to perservere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. 37 For in just a very little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. 38 But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him."

i need to reinstate confidence in my life.
do the things He has given me to do, be it the littlest insignificant things.
Then will He fulfill my dreams and receive His promised rewards.
and i've learnt that the moment i lose confidence, God becomes upset...



Hebrews 12:7 , 11
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.
11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who hav been trained by it.

so that is why God allows pain, turmoil, heart-wrenching emotional hurts and struggles. because He still treats me as a son, despite of the disappointments i've brought to Him and His great people.


what have i done to deserve this kind of mercy?
what is it in me that qualifies forgiveness and a second, third, fourth, fifth chance?
why should i still be loved so much, despite my wrongdoings?

simple, God still treats me as a son.
i ain't gonna be disowned. He's scolding me, discipling me and moulding me with intense fire.
the Bible is right on this, IT AIN'T ONE BIT PLEASANT. IT HURTS.

and through this, i will look forward to a peace of assurance in my destiny in hoGc, and the righteousness that i've totally thrown away and trample all over myself.

it's like a child receiving a toy gift from dad, only to eventually slam it on the ground one day, and crushing it with your feet in fron of his eyes. why? because the child THINKS he is grown up, and he is complacent with his dad's love. what happens in the end? dad doesn't punish his child for destroying his gift to the one he loves so dearly. dad picks it up, tries to repair it, and wait for his child to be ready (in personality/character) to once again receive this gift, fixed, polished and clean again.






i'm that stubborn child, and i want this stubborn naive kid to grow up.
i want this naive child to stop being selfish and stop being a kid.
i want this kid to grow up and be mature enough
to lay down his laziness, pride and self-righteousness.
and finally raise his hands to his dad and say,
"dad, thank you for everything, if not for you, then i'd be dead. i'm sorry. let me be a better son to you."
and not just say it.
but actually make an effort to do it.





it's gonna be hard and pain.



but i have no choice.
I MUST GROW UP AND RISE UP AGAIN..

GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH



grow la, dex.
just stop it and grow!!




look up. Father is watching.
look up. Dad is showing you the way.
look up. dont get distracted by trivial little things on earth.
look up. Boss is running a really big business and He wants you in it.
look up. stop being bothered about your diapers and milk bottles.
look up. He is ever-ready to give you want you seek.
look up. stop looking elsewhere now.




i've tried the silent and simple way of growing up.
no, it doesnt work.
i've gotta be shameless and radical about growing up.
aggressive, even.




let me try. i dont know if im up to it,
but i know He is up to it.
let me try.






i will become numb and i will control my emotions.
i will ignore and run away from anything that would stir my emotions.
run far far far away.








i must grow.
i still wanna be a pillar in hoGc.

love,
-dexter

hello


ruoen was saying that sometimes, we just gotta do it. it's hard and we must learn to ignore some things in our lives and take it positively. just gotta stop dwelling on it and not get affected all the time. sure it hurts, sure it stings. but how to grow? just simply make it a point to not get affected ! get over it!!!!!!



yknw what.



i completely agreee (: !! haha.
get over it!



so i'll try again and again!
until i get over it !!




weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



im gonna make sure im happy and just happy to do (in my opinion) the little insignificant things for God. i know in His eyes, they are more than significant.


and i will try my best to stop getting affected by little trivial things !!!


if there is something that tempts u to be upset,
flee from this temptation!
run away from such temptation to be upset!
RUNNNN AWAY
RUN AWAY FAR FAR AWAY !!!!!!!



and run to people/things that is gonna make things better (:
like friends, guitar, heroes season 3, drums, and of course, Lord Jesus (:





I DONT CARE IF IM NOT AT MY FULLEST POTENTIAL.
I'M NOT SATISFIED BUT I'M HAPPY I CAN STILL SERVE GOD.
I MUST BE HAPPY AND NOT ALWAYS DREADING FOR A BETTER FUTURE.
JUST BE HAPPY NOW, YOU MONKEY!!!! hahaha.


the future is made in the now.


okaye, now, for the factor sustenance!
consistency!


love,
-dexter

just looking at ur photos is damn painful.





I WANT TO TELL YOU BUT I CANNOT.







and saturday is approaching again.
this will be the hardest saturday in my life.



i have no idea how to pretend everything is all right this saturday.









this is a torture.







shit.


love,
-dexter

hello.


i slept at like 8pm.
woke up at 10.30pm plus.
wasted my night away.
oh well!
hahaha.




3 entries in less than 6 hours.







gee, i dont know.
i feel like typing.
but i must be very careful with what i say here.






very careful.
i gotta choose my words wisely.







ppl get the wrong idea through my entries.
or sometimes, ppl get concerned unnecessarily.
nah, that's not my primary aim.





i just like to blog it all out.
or rather,
blog some stuff out.





i feel better after typing.














you know the feeeling?
you know you know?












okay, i really wanna talk to you.
but too bad.
cannot.


love,
-dexter

oh!



just to add.
if u are wondering why i'm always posting such emotional entries,
the reason is simple.



i have no reason to blog about happy or average things because i live an open life when things are positive.


i only type whatever i feel is hard to say or show.


and hope that someone i still hold so dearly in my heart reads it and shares the burden with me - silently.




that's why!!! hahahahaha!
so im not always upset and depressed okay!!!
it's just that i see no reason in blogging about happy things when you can see it all over my face already! HAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA !





love,
-dexter

hello argh crap.



i just typed a whole entry and i realise that the things im typing is too personal for the whole world to read.




i wish i can blurt it all out to someone.
but i dont think there is anyone who can afford the time to waste on me.
i know the things in my head are really trivial and for some weird reason they are affecting me a bit.
yet i also know it's too trivial, i think it would be a waste of time for others to ponder/help me with.







i wanna just cry and cry and cry and cry like a baby.
i really want to cry everything away.
but dont know why i cannot seem to cry so easily leh.
blehxXxX~` :P
hahahahahahahahahahahahahah.



yvonne char said, "it's gonna be a long season for everyone around us."
oh boy was she right.








one thing's for sure.
i am left behind and i blame myself.
my friends are all gna be progressing.
let me just watch them go.
at least for now,
i hope.







let me just do what i am given to the best,
and let's see if God still wants me to be a pillar.

let me just dream the biggest impossible dream,
and let's see if God deems that i am worthy of it.

let me just trust God,
and let's see what God can do for me.






i know very well, i aint worth a second chance.
or a third.
or a fourth.
or whatever.






i cannot do anything now.
except trying to grow and trust God again and again.







gotta keep praying.
keep ministering to Him.
keep pouring out to God.






actually!
i have someone im really really comfortable to share my life with.
like extremely comfortable. VERY VERY comfortable to talk with/
the only problem is that i cannot do it now.























































































not for a darn long time.






love,
-dexter