hello,



this saturday is different!

it's been really really really very long since i felt real freedom and joy spilling out of me from all over the place on a saturday in church.
for some reason.


i felt like i didn't need to hide or run away.



i felt like i didn't need to deal with issues i have no control over.




i felt like i could look around church or walk around church freely and without being scared.






it was, drastically different.
i dont know why?






haha.



---



oh man !!
SOW is starting! how i wish i could be part of SOW !!!!! like be a basic guitar teacher or something!!! or maybe learn a new instrument or vocal thing !!!


oh man !!
discipleship classes are starting and how i wish i had enough substance to start attending them! hahaa. not rising up enough man, that's why. tsk tsk tsk!


oh man !!
i wanna do more in worship team!!!!!!! play more instruments, in more worship team! i feel so odd not being on ministry on weekends !


oh man !!
hong hwee is enlisting ! i'm losing a great friend to NS, how to spend time with him next few weeks ?! and he enlist = not enough drummers. but i can't help ): I WANNA PLAY DRUMS AGAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. i wanna be there when there is a need in church!!


oh man !!
the new BMT classes are clashing with NS... AGAIN.


SO MANY THINGS THAT I'M MISSING OUT BECAUSE I'M NOT GROWING ENOUGH!!!! (and also partially because i have no time due to NS, but that's no excuse)







OH GOTTA GROW.
READ THE BIBLE MORE OFTEN, DEX
PRAY EVEN MORE, DEX
SOAK DEEPER IN GOD'S PRESENCE, DEX








COME ON, DEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SUBSTANCE!
RISE UP!
CARRY THE BURDEN!!
TAKE RESPONSIBILITIES!!!!











GRAWRRGHHHH,
-dexter

hello,

i have a crazy urge to blog.
like i just came home, and i was bathing. and then suddenly WHAM.
my head goes "i need to blog."


okay, but i dont really know what to say.
i've got alot of things to shout out actually, but i dont think it'll be appropriate to do so here ! HAHAHAHA!


shermaine and yvonnechar was telling me to try video-blogging cuz it's a fad now. i wouldn't mind if my STUPID COMPAQ PRESARIO V2000 WOULD JUST BE COMPATIBLE WITH MY WEBCAM.


darn computer. i want a new macbook pro. okay, i just need to wait till i get into uni in 2010! new laptop on the way!!



===


i need to pray more man! i need to feel even more spiritually energized and filled. i am learning to enjoy prayer! dex, PRAY!!!!

prayer works wonders.
i prayed for 8-5, i got my 8-5.
i prayed for uni entry, i got my uni-entry
and these are just two of the most recent things that happened due to prayer.
more things in my prayer list are going to come to past AMEN!!!!!
pray, dex!!!!!!!


im heading off to brunei really soon on 9th dec. though it's just a couple of days, i think im gonna miss the life in singapore badly. really badly. jungle survival in brunei without food and all that. killing quails and other small critters. OH MAN. it's exciting, but im not really looking forward to it. nope, it's not JCC. it's just the air force survival training thing. brooooooonaaaai.

but brunei is gonna be an interesting time.
firstly, i get to get away from all those things bothering me back in singapore. dont need to worry or ponder too much about them (though i know it's gonna haunt me all over again when i'm back.)
secondly, daryl (acs trainee-mate) and i are so gonna use this time to pray and seek God while hungry in the wild. best time to just get away from anything distracting and seek Him. best time to encounter God. IN THE WILDS !!! hahaha!
thirdly, i dont know. i just wanted to add a third point.


im kinda tired of my blog skin. i shld get a new one soon, huh?


char said "dex, i think your blog is the most-read blog in church."
is it so?
if it is, i wonder if all the shoutouts and hinty-hint-hint things i'm trying to convey to certain people are getting through?
but it's quite scary, because that would mean i need to watch what i say even more carefully. i dont want ppl to read and get the wrong idea of how a Christian life would be like! scary ain't it !!!

but seriously, the whole purpose of a blog is for ppl to just read what's in my mind. and yes, i actually have alot of things in my head, and i feel like i know them better as i type them on my blog.


some ppl noticed that i dont really talk about my life with others. well, true to some large extent! but most of my thoughts, my life and my spiritual journey are recorded in this blog. the ups and sadly, also some of the downs.


well, is my life complicated?
i'd say NO.
it's really a very normal teen life. (or what's left of it)
i guess each and every Christian youth have to go through what i go through - usually more.
it's how you respond that matters! i aint perfect, so i aint gonna portray the most ideal response in life all the time. in fact, many time i choose the wrong response.

but one thing i notice, is that the tougher and harder choice is the better choice of response.


many many many times, i have so many negative thoughts in my head and so many things i wanna do to confront them to ease the 'heaviness' in my heart. like scold someone, thrash it out, vomit all over the blog entry. that's the selfish easy way.
and sometimes, i tend to do just that selfish thing.
but nowadays, i'm really trying my best to keep it cool 'in there' and divert my thoughts. distract myself from all these negativity by going out and hanging out with my friends, going gym, casual jogging, and just switching my mind to think about what God has done in my life and how God can deal with these stuff.


every 10 mins, i need to tell myself this:
"if God has planned for you to have it this way, He will make it happen for you somehow; if not, no matter how hard you try, it ain't gonna work."

God doesnt pre-destine everything.
but God chooses the best path according to our current level of spiritual maturity, character and priorities.

so, what determines the path He points for you?
maturity, character, priorities




who we are now, determines who are about to turn into.
to change our future to what we desire in our dreams and visions,
we have to alter ourselves according to the ideal future.



God has given every single person in this entire universe and Godly purpose. A purpose that is good and glorifies Him. we may deviate, or even procrastinate. but we must never EVER give up of what is ahead.



so today, i, DEXTER TAN, want to say AGAIN:
I HAVE A VISION OF BEING A MUSICIAN, A LEADER AND A CLOSE SON IN HEART OF GOD CHURCH
AND I WILL NOT GIVE UP THIS DREAM, NO MATTER HOW BLEAK IT FEELS. DEXTER TAN WILL BE A PILLAR IN HOGC AND FULL-TIME IN HIS MINISTRY.


to be the generation that would give the best years of their lives, impacting all levels of society, and all walks of life.



the Holy Spirit stirs in me whenever i proclaim my dream.
my mind tells me that i have screwed up my opportunity for this destiny.
but my spirit says IT'S ALL PART OF THE GAME PLAN BY GOD.


i may have failed my Plan A, AND even my Plan B.
But God has a Plan C in store for me, just waiting for the right time for me to step into it.
BECAUSE FROM THE START HE KNEW I WAS GONNA FAIL PLANS A AND B.



God knows my weaknesses, and yours too.
He knows when you're gonna fall and lose it all.
But I am positive that God will not demolish His purpose for you so easily!
He's got an alternate route for your ultimate goal!



===



yknw, the reason why i'm not rising up is because i dont have substance in me enough. i haven't shown enough trustworthiness.

there isn't enough inside of me to pull out and give to others.
i need to build substance.


holiness (by relationship w/ God)
maturity (by responsibility)
wisdom (by the Word and financial planning)
integrity (by the littlest things)
excellence (by detailed-ness)
favour w/ others (by relationship w/ Pastors, leaders and peers)



these are the areas i feel i need to boost more in my life.
so that i can ultimately reach my highest call in God and die without regrets.













i cannot die with these dumb little stupid regrets.
i'm so gonna get you, cuz ure one of my life goals! (:








reflection,
-dexter

hello,


oh i slept 3 hours away immediately after i came home from camp.
what a waste!
TSK.


had a flight this morning!
the pilots flew from sbab to causeway to kranji, to south of singapore, past sentosa, past east coast, past changi naval base, past changi airport, to tekong and back again

it was cool, but still kena from my instructor a little! hahaha. gotta be more prepared man.









actually, i'm confused!
so am i suppose to withdraw or approach?
i'm told not to withdraw.
yet when i approach, i dont get any response or discouraged from doing so?











was just telling hong hwee last night about how stuck i feel.
it's like you really wanna rise up and do more
but there just isn't enough substance inside of you?
yknw that feeling? yeah.
i really really really really hope all it takes is lots of patience.








am i still struggling with the SAME THING ?!












as far as i am concerned,
i am lagging behind
AND I GOTTA STOP THIS LAGGING THING
I WANNA GROW UP MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE THE FEELING OF BEING BEHIND.
I WANNA GO FORWARD AND PROGRESS TOO.


















I WANNA GROW UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP



















TO BE A PILLAR THAT HOLDS UP THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST.








not a burden to others man












a pillar.











a darn thick, strong, firm and sturdy pillar.













LIKE A SUPER THICK BLOCK OF PILLAR THAT CANNOT BE MOVED.












like DHISHHHHHHH.















oh, there's something stirring in me and i dont know how to satisfy this uproar.
i can only keep trying.
the rest is up to Him.























fghjgbkdfjsghbanfuhjlUOi9wkKLNMDJKW*UIJEDW*UJSAGHB(&QUIHXnjksdhuiKJQASYUH&W*(@*(U@ QYWUHJNASYUHEQ)(*D AWYHJ@S*WUJKE ASYHBQKJEU*QJSN DYAIGY*udysfhiay8h qyw7ehdjkwqyHUJKYW9HU!yhD

i wanna scream until my lungs burst and my throat bleeds.
but i scared pain.







i wonder how this is all gonna play out?
maybe i have to live with awkwardness forever?
maybe i need to do something and pray for a response.
maybe i just need to wait for God's timing still.







ENOUGH WITH THE "MAYBE".










IT'S GOING TO BE like this:
- i will stop being awkward`
- i will stop being a burden
- i will keep growing as a Christian
- i will not lose my destiny in God
- i will STOP LAGGING BEHIND
- i will become a leader in church
- i will rise up in the worship team
- i will bring 3rd day to a greater new level
- i will be more musically trained
- i will have a stable, prospering, Godly family`
- i will be a REAL MAN with a VISION
- i will impact this nation
- i will support Pastors
- i will carry the burden
- i will KEEP GROWING
- i will i will i will i will i will i will i will




I WILL.








I MUST.










if i die today, i know i have a thousand and one regrets.








i dont wanna die with regrets.




















i dont wanna die with this awkwardness











i dont wanna die knowing that i led a mediocre Christian life in hoGc.



















i really dont want...

















love,
-dexter

hello,


23 November 2008, one of my senior Pastor, Pst How is now... REVEREND HOW !!!!








and at that moment Rev How was ordained, i felt so much pride to be a son serving in hoGc (:
i'm proud of my church!!! i love my church!!! i love Rev How! I love Pst Lia!!!







awesome!







NOW DEX, TIME TO FIND WAYS TO RISE UP, INCREASE, EXPAND, AND GROWWWWWW!!! SUBSTANCE!!!!




-dexter

hello,

it's like midnight and i gotta wake up early later to go for prayer meeting at expo. haha. so i guess i'll try to make it quick!


thought #1:
c3 band was AWESOME. in KS's words - it was 'surreal'. it's like the band we've been trying to copy, do their songs and finding out everything they do musically and spiritually. and now they are here worship leading in our church ?! OH MY GOODNESS. i said "hi" to ryan smith and i was like totally happy already. too bad i didnt speak to one of my fav worship leaders, joe pringle. but i really really admire his husky and large-ranged voice. AWESOME. "Today" by c3 themselves was simply anointed and simply overwhelming. it was so different compared to any other versions. c3 guys were really good technically too. they were tight, they flowed well with each other and they are individually skilled in their own craft. c3 is definitely one of the best. check them out @ http://www.ccc.org.au/ that's their church webbie.

---

thought #2:
GOD IS MOVING INDEED! i'm thoroughly convinced God is moving strongly especially with the army guys. ppl who enlisted with me (same batch anyways) were clarence, alvin chan, pan, wei tze, daniel chew, and wei liang.

here's the cool part... clarence, pan, wei lang and myself are already 8-5 !!!! AWESOME.
now left with alvin (now in ocs), wei tze (on his way to being a spec in navy) and daniel chew to have their 8 to 5. the best part is... they still have the chance to get 8 to 5 !!
God is moving with our prayers. we're gonna see all of us get stay out vocations man!!!

---

thought #3:
was talking to hong hwee on the way home and a few thoughts popped out in my head. and we talked about things like this which i felt was interesting...

"it's like being a puppet, where you can be made to be happy, sad, or anything easily by a 'master'. but when the puppet tries to do something and change something in its master's feelings, it doesn't work. you have no choice but to be 'controlled' (not in a negative way, but a neutral way), and you cannot control the 'master'. you have no control like a puppet. you have to play it the way this certain 'master' wants you to."

and

"the cold war began and the country you are having 'cold war' with doesnt supply you with political agreements, trade, discussions or permissions of any sort. but now that the cold war has supposedly ended, nothing's changed. you still dont have the other country's resources, political agreements, tradings, discussions or permits! what difference does it make?"

and

"why is it sometimes people expects something from you, and when you deliver it to them, they find fault in it or change their minds about it?"

and

"doesn't it feel like sometimes, some people just wanna make it difficult for you? there's no way you can get things right because they just want to see you feel horrible. you know that is REALLY not the case, but you can't help feeling like it is. it seems like you can never achieve what people expect of you."

and

"ppl tell you "just dont be bothered by it", when they don't understand that sometimes, it is just not possible to lay things aside."


hahaha. just random thoughts. which i felt can be quite relevant in life at times! these are not insecurities or whatsoever. it's more of, what we cannot avoid in life i guess! everyone goes through times like the above statements. where you really cant do anything, even though you've tried several ways. i guess everyone's gotta keep finding new methods or new ways to make things better in life!


I GOT TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN..... SOMEHOW.
STOP THIS AWKWARD STUPID THING.
"Try the other way, just try.", said hong hwee.
okay, let me take up the courage to try.

---

thought #4:
i have a VISION and i really dont want it to be just an ambition.

full-time musician in church
full-time people leader in church
full-time son in church
do missions with music

gotta keep talking about it;
thinking about it;
living around it.

now, next step, making wise decisions to achieve this.
TIME TO HANG OUT WITH MY LEADERS MORE.


---


thought #5:
elixers strings sounds awesome on my guitar. seriously.


---

thought #6:
GROW, DEX!!!!
BE A LEADERRR!!
ACT LIKE ONE!!!
BEHAVE LIVE ONE!!!
TALK LIKE ONE!!!
YOU ARE ONE, DEX!!!


LEADERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

---

thought #7:
im tired. i hope i can wake up early later.









love,
-dexter

hello,

i just heard the confirmation that Clarence, my dearest BMT and SISPEC coy-mate, and more importantly, a brother in Christ in hoGc, has finished his signal specialist course and is now a 3SG...










with 8 to 5.











isn't that what we've been praying for since before enlisting?
God is moving.



































CANT WAIT FOR C3 WORSHIP BAND LATER IN SERVICE WOOOOOOOO!!!!










-dexter

hello,


ASIA CONFERENCE WAS WHOAOAOAOAOAAAAAAAAAA!~~~~~~


hahaha AWESOME I SAY!!!!











---





my future?
simple.


full-time in church
doing music,
people work,
a son.




4d,
-dexter

BEFORE I BEGIN, I'D LIKE TO SAY I BLOGGED ANOTHER POST BEFORE MIDNIGHT (THIS ENTRY IS AFTER MIDNIGHT). HENCE, THIS IS EFFECTIVELY THE "SECOND POST OF THE DAY". DO CATCH MY PREVIOUS ENTRY!

hello.

i was looking through the archives and i found what i wrote some months back.
i think i titled the post "scares that don't fade"



scarred in the heart by my own actions
hurt the one you love so dearly
and now to only stand by the side silently

who is to blame besides me?
no one else can be responsible for those deeds
yet until now, it is i who tears myself apart

silent on the surface, despite a screaming agony
staring at the floor i yearn for clarity in my head
to have something to say when someone prompts me to

why is it that the pain still lingers after so long?
it's probably a reminder to myself, me
a broken and damaged pot, waiting to be moulded

you walk on smiling and laughing
i should be happy, but i dont know
why i cannot do the same when i see you

shouldn't i be glad that you're happy
or is it jealousy i feel, could it be uncertainty?
this scar bleeds, for some reason i am oblivious

on one hand i can imagine you telling me
i am cared for, and i am still important
that i just have to be patient with this

but most of the time i feel like you cant wait
to rid me off your life and throw me away
from your mind, like a tumor yearning to bleed

oh i desire not your attention
i desire not your compliments
all i want is to know

an answer i do not dare ask for
a question i am forbidden to say
at least not today, not for a long time i'll wait

i should be placed to the miry graves
coffin sealed shut and locked with the keys in it
but i am spared from this grave - so many times

yet despite all the anguish
or whatever this childish rant means
i am rooted down and held firm

i am alive not for my deeds
i have joy not for any other experience
i hang on tightly for no better reason

than the One who has ransomed my wrongs
bled for my crimes of action and of thoughts
despised, flogged and died for all of me

Jesus, whom i've hurt so deeply
in my eyes i should be ashamed for it
to have said i love Him and yet i grieved Him

still He chose to hold my hand
lift my chin and told me to look up high
into His eyes were glistening with tears yet so affirming

His hands were warm and i felt the wounds of the nails
so alive, so real and so soft they were
big, engulfing my hands in His

He shed tears i never wanted to see Him shed
those tears that He bore were for me
He was disappointed, i could feel it

i wanted to bury my head and apologize over and over
but He wouldn't let me, as He held me so firmly
as though He had anticipated my intended actions

He said, "Child, your wrongs were in My wounds
for which you feel on My hands. Yes, you've grieved My heart,
but never a moment did My heart for you faded a single bit.

All I ask of you, Son, is to hold on to these hands of Mine,
do not ever let them go, for these hands will walk you through
the tough times I see ahead for you to grow and learn.

Son, you will walk through chilly seasons and scorching weather,
you will be tempted to let go My hands, and try without them.
But so long as you hold on, I will definitely not let go."

everyday of my life
i strive to live for the one whose hands
embraces me and hold me closely

i wouldn't dare to let go
i wouldn't survive without Him
i cannot do without Jesus

Jesus, i love You
for without You, i would have perished
thank You, Jesus.








all i have to say about this is,
well,
it's still applies !
every single bit of it.






-dexter

hello


im a man!!!!!
i must DO SOMETHING.
i must fight this awkwardness! hahaha.
i must mold my mind and my insides like plasticine !!!





ACTIVE, NOT PASSIVE (:


fight~!!!!!!!!




wahahaha. im gonna get you!!
dnt care what u thinkkkkkkk.
im gna make things happen YEAH.
watch outttt.






okayeees.
i got scolded by mwo tday! hahaha. kena sabo.
but i also got fault la. me man. me take responsible like real man! haha. oh wells! anyway, it's only 1 year 10 months. i dont care at all. it's pretty fun with all these scoldings in camp anyway! hahaha.





dexter is gonna grow (:
dexter still wanna be a pillar in hoGc.
that dream will nvr die.
it may tarry.
but i wont let it perish.









NO WAY






FAITH AND FIGHT,
-dexter

hello,




okay, i edited this post.
cuz i realise that the post i written was so... hmm i dno!










yeah.












good night...
-dexter

hello,


yes, today, i'm gonna type a guide to being an NSF. 10 steps.


1. be a Christian and live a positive Christian lifestyle.
2. dont be spooky, though. Christianity isn't suppose to be spooky.
3. be fit. before, during and after NS. (get $200 bucks from ippt)
4. reach out everywhere you go.
5. pray alot. keep serving in church.
6. opt to go SISPEC
7. pray to get into air force
8. pray to get into aircrew specialist in the air force
9. do well in that vocation, dont get 'chopped'.
10. wait for ORD and do even bigger and greater things for God.



that's all. HAHAHAHA.
this guide helps you to be spiritually strong, physically fit, and have time to serve God!
THAT MEANS ALOT OF OPPORTUNITY TO GROW.

SO GRAB IT BABEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!









oh. yes. random.
i think i'm gonna go exercise right after i go pang sai.
then head off to STRIKE IT weekend!!!
let me go dig for some jersey.











-dexter

hello.



oh regarding the post title, it's irrelevant to whtever im gonna type.
it's just the first words that entered my mind when i was thinking of a post title.

haha. yes, recently, i like to put random words together, and ending them with DOT COM.

like.

wakeupearly dot com
verytired dot com
flightsuit dot com

haha. completely random. i dunno where i got that habit though. seriously. HAHA what in the world man.


oh, i think i didnt blog this.
but i had my first flight on the SuperPuma on tuesday!
it was pretty cool, though i kept getting scolded by my instructor haha!
we flew around SBAB and i could see the WHOLE of woodlands region and the causeway.
everything was so small from up there! but it was way cool to be on the heli.
i didnt do anything spectacular, just sat in the flight and experienced what i needed to do in the future as an ACS.
and the comms in the heli is quite frustrating. the sound quality was trash and there are like 4 different voices speaking here and there; sometimes i dont even know which pilot is talking or if it was my instructor talking. gotta get to used to it i guess!

the pilot was doing some emergency training and simulated single engine failure. the feeling of the negative G was awesome. it was quite a pleasant, yet unpleasant feeling. yknw?
okay, let me try to put it into context...

have u ever got the feeling where you sit at the rear sit of a bus and the bus goes really fast onto a ramp? yknw the floating sensation and your internal organs suspending in mid-air feeling?

or maybe a roller coaster ride when you are heading for a long steep dive?

yeah, that experience, extend it for like 5 or 6 seconds.




i know it sounds trivial, from they way i describe it, but seriously, it was WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. awesome.




im starting to like my vocation.
i hope i dont fail my flying phase of training.
if i fail, i have to go re-train again as an ADA Specialist.
worse of all, i have to stay-in ):

---

oh, i took my ippt today
i've become really unfit.
i didnt get gold )))):
not that i lose out in anything, but its just that i was quite disappointed that i could not achieve what i was able to do. i really need to train and exercise more.
i manage to get gold standard for my static stations. but i ran like 10.05 for 2.4km, which is a pathethic deprovement of 40 seconds from my best in SISPEC.

i guess that is what Air Force/stay out/less physcial vocation does to you. make you fat and unfit!


i gotta start watching my diet and exercising more! if not, seriously, im gna become disgusting!




hahaha.
why am i blogging such a long post? i dno.
just update la! i havent really typed an "update" post in a long time.
hahahaha.


no la, the truth is that i have nothing much to do this friday night.
cuz friday night is WHOLE WORLD IS BUSY NIGHT!
haha, ppl got runthroughs, CG, out with family, rehearsals, etc etc in church.
so i guess i'll use my blog to keep myself occupied.

besides, typing is a therapy for me.
gee, come to think of it, what do i see my blog as?


---


yknw, many ppl blog as if it's a diary (well, to some extend, it is). they put everything about their lives in their blogs, carelessly or purposely. but it's like a record placed online for themselves and for their friends.

some use their blogs as pictorial storyboards about things in their lives. which i find very enjoyable to read! haha. unfortunately, my blog isnt like that. not because i dont like it. but simply because i dont usually take photos in my daily life and i am lazy to upload them even if i do have new photos. organizing them is a pain in the bum-bums! but i dont mind doing it once in a while. maybe i shld do it more often to give vibrance to my monochromic blog.





but i like it monochromic, still (:




some ppl use their blogs to sell stuff! awesome way to make money, i think it's cool.

some ppl use blogs to make fun of other blogs, and other ppl and write political comments or critics!

so many other uses of blogs of course, which i dont really wanna list down now. i dont think it'll ever end.

ahahaha


as for me. i think my blog is the therapy kind. it's also a public diary and a public rant space.
it's like a place for me to laugh when i have no one to laugh to.
a place to scream when i'm frustrated.
a place to cry when i physically can't bring myself to.
a place to make my blog look as if it's artistic by listing down things beginning or ending with the same few words.
a place to express what i think is a brilliant idea/creative work, until a few weeks later i realise it's not.
a place to put random thoughts. real random. like dot com.
a place to try and secretly hint at people, sometimes (very honest one).
a place for my head (ooo.. linkin park song title)

i always keep in mind that my blog is for public to read. and when i type very personal things on my blog, usually it means i am intending for certain ppl to read it. of course, it's taking a risk because it may cause some readers emotional discomfort or uneasiness. my bad!

but seriously, i have to be honest, i practically shout out to the world all my negative and positive thoughts/feelings. it's not a very good thing cuz ppl get discouraged and emtionally stirred when they read, so please dont get too affected if you read negative stuff in my archives. read with extreme caution! but it is a good thing to come back and read it and realise how i've grown out of it. and it's also a good thing because i feel much better after typing it all out (okay, not all, some).

that's why im cutting down all my negative posts. OH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

haha!!!!


im gna keep my thoughts away from publicity as much as possible.




therapy, therapy.
actually, i got quite some things in my head, but im not gonna say it. NEH NEH NEE POOO POOOOOO!!!! AHAHAHAH!!!


---


no, im not sad or upset or anything, silly readers!
it's just that i'm trying to figure out what's in for me next and how are things gonna play out for me! hahaha, aiyo, dex, so selfish, always thinking about yourself!

well, not always actually.
just that these are things that will subtly bother me from the back of my head!
like sometimes you ponder...
"am i gna achieve my dreams and visions?"
"what do my leaders say and think about me? do they say i'm doing well now or i'm stagnant and not growing?"
"what else can i do to grow?"
"why am i not doing it then?"
"do i still have the opportunity to become full-time in church?"

et cetera. et cetera. more questions in my head i try to answer inside my head. but of course, i will never get an answer inside there.
i gotta go to the mountains more.


COME ON DEXTER, YOU NEED TO PRAY MOREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
PRAYER WARRIOR DEXTERRRRR!


---



hahaha. yes.
oh yes, im still watching HEROES!
heroes is awesome, please go watch season 3.
and if u havent watched seasons 1 and 2.
do it.


i love the plot, the cliffhangers and the way they twist a cliche concept of "ordinary ppl with extraordinary powers" into something so intriguing !



---



now.. what else can i type?
hmmms. i know ! let me put up some pictures of someone whom i share all my secrets with and is probably one of my best friends in this world!







yeah. i love him many <3





okaye!
i think i'll stop here. byebye!





love,
-dexter

hello.


okay i know what to feel already.






-dexter

hello



i dont know to be happy, anxious, worried, or terrified?





-dexter

hello


i did wet winching today as a survivor! cool.
i was at ndu camp and floating in the sea.
and then this as332 m1 heli came, lowered an aircrew to pick me up and suspended in mid-air.




oh the feeling was awesome.
and on top of that, the downwash of the heli is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. seriously. it's way stronger than i thought it would be.



weeeeeeee!




hahahaha.

i went running with jerome tday.
from amk to bishan and back to amk.
oh, it was a long run.
but it was fruitful in many ways (:
1. got to exercise.
2. got to know my cg-mate and hang out
3. go to think about how running physically is so similar to running for Jesus!


awesommeeeeeeeeeeeeee.







hahahah!

actually, i have alot of things in my head!
and im really tired from the wet-winching and from my long run.


so i decided to not write the things that are in my head!
hahaha. i wldnt need to anyway!
so too bad!!!
neh neh nee poooo pooooooooooooooooooo~
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SILLY.




ahhahahahahahah!!!
imu



asdfgdhfjkhljkjkhgfdsafghjkl;k'


a3erwesd93iowkau903qirwadu09iefdu9ipefa
kdjfkslnkl

f
sdfda


eswadhgerf


dsf


jioeijowi29


ogijorasv321



ooooohh random.



GOOD NEWS!!!
wahahahaha.
D7 breakthrough 20!!
D Zone 427!!!
hoGc record attendance at 2600+ !!!




AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
how cool is that, huh (:




weeeeeeeeee,
-dexter

hello,



hi there!

i just wanna say that i feel like i need to flow more !!
gotta start to observe even more!
funny how i sometimes like to just be there, quietly, and watch how the leaders talk, pray and even play their instruments!

if only i could read their minds and just explore their thoughts!
i wanna know what is on their hearts at different point of times and how do they approach in their thinking!

what would dominic think when he speaks to different people?
what does lynette see in different individuals?
how does charleston plan and grow his people? how does he relate to them?
what is going through garrett's mind when he does ops and ppl work?
how did roy manage to balance a lively, active and humorous personality, and yet be spiritual and detailed in his responsibilities?
how does ivan, in the midst of army, still carry on doing the same amount of work in church?
what is on fifi's mind when she is meeting her leaders/people?



what do Psts expect in different situations?
what is on the heart of Pst Lia when she issues out instructions/information to 41st day?
what are Psts preferences on things?
what does Pst see in each and every individual?


so curious to know !!!
but the answers are never exhaustive.



gotta hang out with these cool people more often! i wanna be more like them.

every time i'm on 41st day, i can only be thankful for this privilege to serve in a worship team where i can observe my leaders, the top leadership, listen to them talk about themselves, about people, about events and Pastors! i'm so privileged to play alongside charleston, where i can observe his techniques, his strokes on the drums, the way he relates to people, the good habits he have and his preferences in drumming or how things work!

i'm so privilege to have Pst Lia as the worship leader!! i mean, it's a dream to serve as a percussionist, where i have the opportunity to play parts that will support Pst Lia when she is worship leading. this is also where i get direct input from Pst Lia, and as she shares with 41st day about what she thinks and how she feels after each svc 41st day plays. that way, i get to know and understand what Pst Lia expects and what is on her heart.


i cherish this great privilege to play on 41st day and be close to my leaders.
but i think i'm not cherishing it enough still.
i must learn to draw more from this privilege given to me!
this grace and chance given to me by Psts and my leaders.
they believe in me, and i'm gonna make sure i'll do my best to achieve what they potentially see in me... and MORE (:




hahaha!




most of all,
thank you God, for all these great people who have become a large blessing in my life (:
i thank Jesus for this so undeserving privilege He has offered to me...






if not for You, i wouldn't have such a great opportunity.
truly you are a God full of grace, opportunities and forgiveness.





help me cherish it more than before.
more everyday.







let's grow (:




growing up,
-dexter

hello.




im sad.
i lost my hoodie at singpost kfc.
it's a bdae present from many of my best friends in church ):








so careless ):







BUT IT'S OKAY.



NICK VUJICIC SERVICES IN HOGC WILL BE AWESOMEEEEE!!!
(:





WOOO HOO!!!
can't wait!





love,
-dexter